Are you looking up to someone
I have been curious for a moment when one of my patient asked me about anything. It made me think somehow, this is about you as a person. If one day it will happen again are you ready to answer it with all of you without a doubt in yourself? Are you curious what did she asked me? Out of the blue, when we had our little conversation while I was cleaning and dressing her wound a part from her surgery, she just asked me:
"Are you looking up to someone in your workmates or other people?"
I am in a silent for a moment and internalizing the question being asked. And for a second I responded to her:
"There is no one i looked up to as a person or a co-worker. I don't look up to anyone”.
For a moment, I am speaking to myself at that moment it was like I just noticed it in myself that yes I am this person. It makes you think and to know who you are the moment that kind of question being ask to you and my additional answers were:
"I am not the kind of person who will look up to somebody, my kind of personality was like I do like people somehow I am amazed with their actions, their personalities, who they are or what they are. I am not judgmental kind of person so I don’t think i have someone who I am looking up to. For me it is better to study the person's character than trying to be like him or her and being yourself is more important thing you do and to look up to."
My patient is agreeing in every words I said. In that moment in my life, I was just asked a very personal yet I may say helpful question in my existence. I have never been so curious about myself the moment this question being asked at me. I am a type of person who is being so happy go lucky, whatever happens, whenever I just go with it. No doubts in myself in what my thoughts are, my expressions of anything. Here, I realized that I maybe lack of moments in myself to know me better. Maybe you are confused in what i am saying. Wait, pause for a moment and I will tell you. Maybe you feel that you know yourself very well, every small detail of yourself is like an open book to you and to your loved ones but at this moment I just knew myself unconsciously. I never think of that kind of thoughts in my head. It’s very unconscious for me to answer that kind of question and I did it very well. It’s adulthood I think and I just remember my age, hahaha.
I guess it’s time to be more serious about anything, more curious and more expressive of your thought, of yourself. I don’t think everyone can relate to this because all of us are very differently unique from each other. Some may not accept the things that might change in their perception in life or some are just mature enough and knows everything they are up to, their wants and very straight forward. For me, it’s really a great accomplishment that I have been awaken my curiosity in myself. That unconsciously you have something in your mind that is being kept for long time and try to do something strange to let it out and spread it. Maybe someone's being curious about anything, and they just know at this moment.
It’s really special for me, that’s why I make it like an open letter for you and for myself as well. In time, there will be people that may ask you about anything and you answer it on the spot unconsciously speaking from your inner thoughts that you ask where it come from? Well that is you all along. You will eventually get to know yourself so much if things may happen the way it should happen, like this moment in my life. For the last time, I will make a brief answer for the question asked. I don’t look up to someone because I don’t have to.
There are thousands of people who are so lucky and work hard to get where they are. They have their own stories and you will not have the same thing. Looking up to someone is keeping yourself hiding in one corner without letting it out and free because you are focusing on someone you look up to. Maybe an inspiration will do and I believe that you may also be an inspiration and there is always a story to tell. Just believe in yourself and be yourself. That is one important rule as you go on to life. There will be a lot stories to tell but you have your own.
The term look up is looking up in the skies and heaven where God is and He is the one you just look up to and no one else. I believed!